Curtain!

I can't believe it. Aren't last times supposed to be great?
Tonight was my last time on stage. I wasn't great. I was under average. I cannot even understand why I suddenly forgot my text. Okay, the first time it definitely wasn't my fault but for the other times, there is no one other to blame than me. Embarassing. I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, I am too scared a customer saw my performance. Then again, they probably won't even remember me because I was only a supporting character and we had really good main protagonists. They were awesome.

So the curtain fell for me. This reminds me of this celebrity my German teacher used to talk about. An actress, who wanted to commit suicide and die "gracefully". So she decorated her room where she wanted to be found with rose petals, candles, etc and then she took some drugs. Sadly enough, she didn't took them all too well so she ended up vomiting in the bathroom i think and then she drowned in her vomit. Not quite the way she imagined to die.

And I didn't imagine my last time on stage like that.
The worst part is, that my poor performance really took me down the whole evening.But nobody had the guts to say in my face that I sucked. Their faces pitied me and the others only said "yeah, the scene was okay. thank god i didn't forget my text." Yeah, way to go.They try to downplay it a little. I understand that they don't want to hurt me because I already looked so down. But for me, it still is a pretty big deal. I mean, let's face it, I screw up. I screw up on stage. On Stage. Although drama as often the only thing i was looking forward to. It became part of my life and even part of me, and then i screw up.

I'm so depressed about it.

That's not the way the curtain was meant to fall.